bingbongboo fun

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

‘Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put In 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. so, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day’.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a  woman…

He arose, cooked breakfast For his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the  cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,   went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.. Then, it was already 1 P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop The kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up The kids and got into an argument With them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and  Got the kids organized to do Their homework. Then, set up the ironing board And watched TV while he Did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling Potatoes and washing Vegetables for salad, Breaded the pork chops And snapped fresh beans for supper.  After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the  kids, And put  them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted And, though his daily chores Weren’t finished, he went to Bed where he was  expected to Make love, which he managed To get through without complaint. 

The next morning, he awoke And immediately knelt by the Bed and said: -

Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my Wife’s’ being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, Let us trade back.. Amen!’

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 
‘My son, I feel you have Learned your lesson and I will be happy to change Things back to the way They were. You’ll just have to wait Nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.’

A  police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘ I  clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The  driver says, ‘Gee,  officer I had it on cruise control at 60,  perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating..’

Not  looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be  silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have  cruise control.’

As  the officer writes out the ticket, the driver  looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you  please keep your mouth shut for  once?’

The wife smiles demurely and  says, ! ‘You should  be thankful your radar detector went off when it  did.’

As  the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at  his wife and says through clenched teeth,  ‘Dammit, woman, can’t you keep your mouth  shut?’

The  officer frowns and says, ‘And I  notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt,  sir. That’s an automatic fine.’

The  driver says, ‘Yeah,  well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it  off when you pulled me over so that I could get  my license out of my back pocket.’

The  wife says, ‘Now,  dear, you know very well that you didn’t have  your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt  when you’re driving.’

And  as the police officer is writing out the third  ticket the driver turns to his wife and  barks, ‘WHY DON’T  YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’

The  officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your  husband always talk to you this way,  Ma’am?’

I  love this part…. :

‘Only  when he’s been drinking.’

The first man married a woman from Michigan . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Arizona. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Texas. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

A woman comes home and tells her husband, ‘Remember those headaches I’ve been having. All these years? Well, they’re gone.’

‘No more headaches?’ the husband asks, ‘What happened?’ His wif e replies, ‘Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand In front of a mirror, Stare at myself and repeat, ‘ I do not have a headache ‘ ‘ I do not have a headache ‘ ‘ I do not have a headache ‘ Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.’

‘Well, that is wonderful’ proclaims the husband.

His wife then says, ‘You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and See if he can do anything for that? ‘

Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes,Picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed And says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’ He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into Bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, ‘WOW! – that was wonderful!’ The husband says, ‘Don’t move! I will be right back.’ He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better Than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning ‘ OH MY GOD ‘ She proclaims.

Her husband again says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’ With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying. ‘She’s not my wife ‘ ‘She’s not my wife ‘ ‘She’s not my wife ‘ . ‘She’s not my wife ‘

His funeral service will be held on Saturday.