bingbongboo fun

One Monday morning the UPS guy is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles..

“Wow. Bob”, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night, the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk aroundmidnight that’s when we started playing “WHO AM I.”

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, “How do you play “WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the sheet…then the women try to guess who it is.”

The UPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up seven times.”

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:

Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
Poup on Pants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will becom e: Knott NOW!

And finally…

9. Vict oria ’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:
Titty Titty Bang Bang!

Once upon a time, there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy sperm.
He’d do push ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lazed around doing nothing. One day, one of the sperm questioned Stanley and asked why he exercised all day.

Stanley explained, “Look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant, and when the right time comes, I’m gonna be that one sperm!”

A few days later, all the sperm could feel themselves getting hotter and hotter. They knew the big swim was imminent. Moments later, they were released abruptly and, sure enough, Stanley was swimming far ahead of all the others.

Suddenly, Stanley stopped in his tracks, turned around, and began to swim back with all his might. “Go back! Go back!” he hollered, “It’s a Hand Job!”