bingbongboo fun

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun.

6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. Its best to have a soft place to land.

8. You dont need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If youre with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you’ve got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once youre over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That’s why some of them are called Mountin Bikes.

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
She says, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

“And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?”

“We use it for sex.”

The researcher was a little taken back.

“Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s Bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?”

The woman says, “I don’t mind telling you at all…My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.”

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he asked her, ‘Do you know what I am doing?’

‘Yes,’ she replied, ‘You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.’

‘That’s right,’ said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
‘Do you know what I am doing now?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.’
‘Correct,’ replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, ‘Do you know what I am doing now?’
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘You’re getting syphilis: which is why I came here in the first place.’

In a small town in the Old Country, the Rabbi died. 
His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again.   
But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. 

The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. 

However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married.   After the marriage, Friday came. 
She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities). 

Then, she went home to prepare to light the candles.   The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother, Hana, told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it’s good to have sex." 

So they did.   

She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father,Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles it’s good to have sex."

So they did.   

They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke, he said to her, "My grandmother, Rivka, said that before you go to the synagogue it’s good to have sex."

So they did.   

After praying all morning, they came home to rest. Again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather, Moishe, says after praying it’s good to have sex."

So they did.  

On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, "So how is the new husband?"   
She replied, "Well, a scholar he isn’t, but he comes from a wonderful family…

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.

Day 3. This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson’s Column and burst into tears.

Day 4. A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his ‘problem.’ It’s called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5. What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6. Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s doing that.

Day 7. This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I’d like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it’s very nice – I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.

Day 8. I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I’m also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9. No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10. Okay, I admit it. I’m hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he’s washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over….

Day 11. I’m basically being screwed to death. It’s like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He’s a complete pig.

Day 12. I wish he was gay. I’ve stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous …

Day 13. Every time I shut my eyes, there’s a sneak attack! It’s like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I’ll kill the bastard.

Day 14. I’ve done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me.

Day 15. I think I’ll have to kill him. I’m starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won’t go near him and our friends don’t come over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.

Day 16. The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17. Switched the pills but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference……Christ !!! here he comes again.

Day 18. He’s back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!!.