bingbongboo fun

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, "Ma’am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop asked.
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver’s windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn’t make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I’ll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

  One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money
from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m
doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept
money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve
Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.’
Then, a City Council Member comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from
you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The City Council Member is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen City Council Members lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the elected officials.

A  police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘ I  clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The  driver says, ‘Gee,  officer I had it on cruise control at 60,  perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating..’

Not  looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be  silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have  cruise control.’

As  the officer writes out the ticket, the driver  looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you  please keep your mouth shut for  once?’

The wife smiles demurely and  says, ! ‘You should  be thankful your radar detector went off when it  did.’

As  the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at  his wife and says through clenched teeth,  ‘Dammit, woman, can’t you keep your mouth  shut?’

The  officer frowns and says, ‘And I  notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt,  sir. That’s an automatic fine.’

The  driver says, ‘Yeah,  well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it  off when you pulled me over so that I could get  my license out of my back pocket.’

The  wife says, ‘Now,  dear, you know very well that you didn’t have  your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt  when you’re driving.’

And  as the police officer is writing out the third  ticket the driver turns to his wife and  barks, ‘WHY DON’T  YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’

The  officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your  husband always talk to you this way,  Ma’am?’

I  love this part…. :

‘Only  when he’s been drinking.’

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”