Archive for the ‘headaches’ tag
Second Opinion
The doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need… A new suit.’
He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see… Size 44 long.’
Joe laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’
Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Joe and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’
Joe was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years.’
Joe tried on the shirt and it fitted perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’
Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman said, ‘Let’s see… Size 36.
Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’
The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.’
The Hypnotist
A woman comes home and tells her husband, ‘Remember those headaches I’ve been having. All these years? Well, they’re gone.’
‘No more headaches?’ the husband asks, ‘What happened?’ His wif e replies, ‘Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand In front of a mirror, Stare at myself and repeat, ‘ I do not have a headache ‘ ‘ I do not have a headache ‘ ‘ I do not have a headache ‘ Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.’
‘Well, that is wonderful’ proclaims the husband.
His wife then says, ‘You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and See if he can do anything for that? ‘
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes,Picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed And says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’ He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into Bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, ‘WOW! – that was wonderful!’ The husband says, ‘Don’t move! I will be right back.’ He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better Than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning ‘ OH MY GOD ‘ She proclaims.
Her husband again says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’ With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying. ‘She’s not my wife ‘ ‘She’s not my wife ‘ ‘She’s not my wife ‘ . ‘She’s not my wife ‘
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
Little Johnny Strikes Again
The teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
First pupil: ‘Tylenol?’
Teacher: ‘Very good! And what is it used for?’
Pupil: ‘It is used for headaches’
Second pupil: ‘Nytol Teacher’
Teacher: ‘Excellent. And what it is used for?’
Pupil: ‘To help you sleep’
Now it is Johnny’s turn and he says: ‘Viagra’
Teacher, slightly shocked: ‘Johnny, What do you think is it used for?’
Johnny: ‘It can be used for diarrhea’
Teacher: ‘Who told you this?’
Johnny: ‘Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father …
‘Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder’
Headaches
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is, I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is, that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered i f he had anything left to live for but he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought,
“That’s what I need… a new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman,
“I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,
“Let’s see… size 44 long.” Joe laughed,
“That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”
Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”
Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”
The salesman said, “Let’s see.. size 36.”
Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles
up against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache.”
New suit – $400
New shirt – $36
New underwear – $6
Second Opinion – PRICELESS
