bingbongboo fun

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar an whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am"

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

The ole’ biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause,

I want a cheeseburger"!!!

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine.”

“Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked.

She said ” I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much.”

“So I told him a BJ would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either.”

“Finally I said, well, how much do you have?”

The marine said that he only had $25.

The new hooker said, “Well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job”

He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said, “He pulled it out and I put one hand on it,
and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…..”

“OMG” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge! Then what did you do?”

“I loaned him $75!” she said.

This young couple was about to get married and the night before their wedding day they had a talk.
They decided that the one thing that they never wanted to have a problem with was initiating sex in their marriage.

To solve that problem they decided to come up with a “code word” to help break the ice when asking for sex.

While they were trying to think of a word the washing machine went off balance and the husband says, “I have an idea, why not use ‘washing machine’ as the code word?” So washing machine it was…

A year passed by and one night they were lying in bed and she was reading and he was watching TV. The husband rolls over and says, “Honey, Washing machine?”, and she replies, “Honey, not tonight, I’ve
got a huge headache. I promise we’ll do it tomorrow night!”

So he says, “Alright that’s fine, We’ll do it tomorrow.” They roll to their respective side of the bed and go to sleep. However, the wife can’t sleep because she’s thinking, gosh we’ve only been married 1 year so we’re still practically newlyweds maybe I should indulge him. She rolls over to her husband and whispers, “Honey, are you still awake??”,

He replies, “Yeah, what do you want?”.

She says, “Washing Machine?!?!?!?”

“Forget about it. It was a small load, I did it by hand.”

Once upon a time, there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy sperm.
He’d do push ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lazed around doing nothing. One day, one of the sperm questioned Stanley and asked why he exercised all day.

Stanley explained, “Look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant, and when the right time comes, I’m gonna be that one sperm!”

A few days later, all the sperm could feel themselves getting hotter and hotter. They knew the big swim was imminent. Moments later, they were released abruptly and, sure enough, Stanley was swimming far ahead of all the others.

Suddenly, Stanley stopped in his tracks, turned around, and began to swim back with all his might. “Go back! Go back!” he hollered, “It’s a Hand Job!”