Archive for the ‘Doctor’ tag
Midget Balls
The testicles of a midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem..
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.
The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
“Aha!” said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side……….then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching. The doctor said,” How does that feel now?”
The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it.
What did you do?
The doctor replied “I cut two inches off the top of your rubber boots.”
Breast Enlargement
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith to see about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her ‘Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,’Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!’
She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose er lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ‘Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?’
‘Yes I am… how did you know?’
He winked and whispered, ‘Hickory dickory dock…’
The Shady Doctor
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he asked her, ‘Do you know what I am doing?’
‘Yes,’ she replied, ‘You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.’
‘That’s right,’ said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
‘Do you know what I am doing now?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.’
‘Correct,’ replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, ‘Do you know what I am doing now?’
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘You’re getting syphilis: which is why I came here in the first place.’
American Beer
This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There’s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I’ve got the wife on American beer!"
Morris At Ninety
Morris a ninety-year old man lived in a retirement home and got a
weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and
ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year old woman at the other end
of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a
drink.
As the evening progressed, Morris, the old man joined the lady and they
went to her apartment, where they got it on.
Two days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and
he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the
doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.
The old man said, "Sure did!"
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she
lived.
"Yes,…but why?"
"Well you’d better get over there… you’re about to cum."
A New Type Of Diet
An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor’s office crying and claims that she has tried every possible way to lose weight, all to no avail.
She continues to sob, "My husband won’t make love to me any more. My friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just can’t take it any more!" The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet … rectal feeding. Reassuring the patient that she won’t starve to death, the doctor explains that she’ll actually take in enough nutrients, through the rectal walls, to sustain life and that she’s sure to lose weight in the process.
Three weeks later the patient comes in for a follow-up appointment and she’s down from her 360 pounds to a trim 110 pounds. At first the doctor doesn’t recognize her and asks his nurse, "Who is that beautiful lady in the waiting area?" The nurse reminds the doctor that she’s the fat lady on the special, rectal diet.
The doctor shows the patient into the exam room and notices that she’s bouncing up and down and side to side quite energetically.
The doctor asks how she’s doing and if there was anything wrong.
The patient replies, "I’m feeling great Doc. Never felt better!"
"In that case, why are you bouncing up and down and side to side?"
The patient replies, "Oh, that, I’m just chewing gum."
