Archive for the ‘cop’ tag
Where’s The Wife?
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. ‘So,’ says the cop to the driver, ‘where have ya been?’
‘Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,’ slurs the drunk.
‘Well,’ says the cop, ‘it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.’
‘I did all right,’ the drunk says with a smile.
‘Did you know,’ says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, ‘that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?’
‘Oh, thank heavens,’ sighs the drunk. ‘for a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.’
The Hair Cut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money
from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m
doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept
money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve
Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.’
Then, a City Council Member comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from
you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The City Council Member is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen City Council Members lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the elected officials.
Oh No!
The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex, often helped men last longer during the act.
The man decided, ‘What the heck, I’ll try it.’
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too
open. He considered an alley but figured that was too unsafe. Finally,
he realized his solution.
On the way home from work, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to
masturbate, he closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, ‘What?’
He heard ‘This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?’
The man replied, ‘I’m checking out the rear axle, it’s busted.’
The cop says, ‘Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.!’
