Old Farmer Seth
Old Seth goes to the doctor to see about erection problems. "I’ll be ridin’ the tractor on the south 20," Seth said, "and the warm sun and the tractor vibratin’ gets it up! But by the time I can get back to the house and maw gets ready, it’s down–and I can’t get it back up. Can you give me somethin’ to help keep it up?"
The doc says no, he can’t. Age carries its price. But–perhaps some signal could be arranged and maw would be prepared as paw arrived at the house? Maybe maw could even meet him halfway?
"A great idea!" says Seth. "There’s a little grove about halfway to the house from where I’m plowin’. Me and maw used to have sex there when we were younger! It’d be a great spot. I’ll carry my shotgun and when it’s all up and hard, I’ll fire it and she’ll get there same time as I do.
Thanks doc!"
Time passes. The doctor meets Seth at the bank one morning and asks how he’s doing. Seth says he’s okay. The doc asks how Seth’s wife is, and Seth says, "Poor maw, she’s dead!"
"Sorry to hear that," says the doc. "How did she die?"
"Just run herself to death durin’ the quail season," said Seth
A husband and wife had quarreled for a quite a while. After a cool down period, the wife went to her husband the next morning and asked, "Honey, what are you doing?"
Her husband tried to hide the document in hand and mumbled, "Nothing."
His wife, who had seen what the document was, became very upset. "Nothing? I see you reading our Marriage certificate. Why you even got out a magnifying glass! You’ve been looking that over upside down, backwards, forwards, every which way! What’s that all about?"
Dejected, her husband said, "Well, if you must know, I was looking for the expiration date!"
