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The newswires have reported that the French Government has announced that it
has raised it’s terror alert level from ‘Run’ to ‘Hide’. The only two higher
levels in France are ‘Surrender’ and ‘Collaborate’. The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire, which destroyed France’s White Flag factory,
effectively disabling their military.

The Italians have increased their alert level from “shout loudly and
excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain,
“ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “disdainful arrogance” to
“dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels,
“invade a neighbour” and “lose”.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from
“isolationism” to “find somewhere else in the middle east ripe for regime
change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “take on the world” and
“ask the British for help”.

Finally in the UK  they’ve gone from “pretend nothing’s happening” to “make
another cup of tea”. Their higher levels are “remain resolutely cheerful”
and “win”.