bingbongboo fun

The plane’s cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself. He came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn’t moved a muscle. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one.”

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch.”

A Minnesota Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm and Talked with an old farmer.

He told the farmer “I need to inspect your farm for a possible new Road.” The old farmer said, “OK, but don’t go in that field.”
The Highways employee said, “I have the authority of the State of Minnesota to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land.”

So the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud Screams and saw the Department of Highways employee running for the Fence and close behind was the farmer’s prize bull. The bull was madder Than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at Every step. The old farmer called out, “Show him your card, smartass!!”

*An office manager at Walmart was given the task of hiring an
individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack
of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. *

*He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. *

*Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. *

*The day came and as the four sat around the conference room
table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know
of?” *

*Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, “A
THOUGHT.” *

*It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on
the way; It’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know
of.” *

*”That’s very good!” replied the interviewer. *

*”And now you sir?” he asked the second man *

*”Hmm. Let me see. A BLINK! *

*It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A
blink of an eye is the fastest thing I can think of.” *

*”Excellent!” said the interviewer. “The blink of an eye, that’s
very good.” *

*He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. *

*There’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than
an instant. *

*Yep, TURNINGONA LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.”*

*The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and
thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of
light,” he said. *

*Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer
posed same question. *

*Old Bubba replied, “After hearing the three previous answers,
It’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.” *

*”WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. *

*”Oh I can explain.” said Old Bubba. “You see the other day I
wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before
I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, *

*I had already shit in my pants.” *

*Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!!*

Peter and Alfred Nussbaum were tailors and partners in the firm Nussbaum Brothers.

After many years they decided to Anglicize their names and henceforth the firm should be known as the Nuss Brothers.
After completing the legal paperwork, they informed the receptionist, Ethel, that from Monday on she should answer the phone as “Nuss Brothers.”
“I quit,” said Ethel.
“But why?”, asked Peter, “the pay and benefits will be the same!”
“Yeah? Well, YOU answer the phone then. I don’t want to answer and find that the caller says he wants to speak with Mr. Nuss. Then I have to say….. “Yes Sir; which one? P. Nuss or A .Nuss?”

It was the mailman’s last day on the job. After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a fine box of cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate sex he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: Eggs, Hash-Browns, Ham, Sausage, Biscuits, Flap-Jacks, and fresh-squeezed Orange Juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.

“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”

He said, “Screw him - - - give him a dollar.”

The blonde then blushed and said, “The breakfast was my idea.

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a woman at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair Smells nice. After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore,and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: “What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

The woman replies, “It’s Keith. The midget.”