You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in TOS episode number 7.
You pull the legs off your hamster so you’ll have a tribble.
You show off to your friends by lifting large Styrofoam boulder.
You tried to learn the Vulcan Neck Pinch, without success.
You think that the different creatures in Star Trek are real, and not actors dressed up in fancy costumes and wearing latex mask.
You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
You wish you could be a shapeshifter, so you can change into wall and secretly perve a look in the girls showers at school/college.
Your favourite drink is ‘Blood Wine’.
Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
You….Talk….One…..Word….At…A….Time….Like…..Captain…
James…T….Kirk…
You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.
When you use the toilet, you refer to it as ‘Boldy Going’.
You have gold coloured contact lenses so your eyes look just like Data.
Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J.
Hooker and Capt. Kirk.
Your wear a hair band in front of your eyes and try to look like Geordi.
You refer to people with big ears as a ‘Ferengi’.
You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say “Star Trek? Isn’t that the one with Luke Skywalker?”
You have leopard spots tattooed up the side of your body so that you look like a Trill.
You have a cat named Spock.
You think Major Kira has a really nice nose
When someone dies you automatically say “He’s dead! Jim.”
You have no life.
You think Ferengi’s have the right attitude about how to treat a woman.
You recognise more than 4 references on this list
You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the co-ordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.
“Star Trek Lost Episodes” transcripts.
Episode 3.1 : Windows vs. The Borg
Picard: “Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?”
Geordi: “Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.”
(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer
screen.)
Riker (looks puzzled): “What the hell is a ‘Microsoft’?”
Data (turns to answer): “Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called ‘Windows,’ through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.”
Picard: “But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won’t they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?”
Data: “Yes, Captain. But when ‘Windows’ detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an ‘upgrade.’ The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.”
Picard: “Excellent work. This is even better than that ‘unsolvable geometric shape’ idea.”
… 15 Minutes Later …
Data: “Captain, We have successfully installed the ‘Windows’ in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected ‘upgrade’.”
Geordi: “Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an ‘upgrade’ to compensate for their increase.”
Picard: “Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we missed.”
Data: “Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the ‘upgrade.’ Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
Riker: “Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F…”
Geordi (excited): “Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0%!”
Picard: “Data, what do your scanners show?”
Data: “Apparently the Borg have found the internal ‘Windows’
module named ‘Solitaire’ and it has used up all the CPU capacity.”
Picard: “Lets wait and see how long this ‘Solitaire’ can reduce their functionality.”
… Two Hours Pass …
Riker: “Geordi what’s the status on the Borg?”
Geordi: “As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more ‘Windows’ modules from something called the ‘Microsoft Fun-Pack.’
Picard: “How much time will that buy us?”
Data: “Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours.”
Geordi: “Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.”
Picard: “Identify.”
Data: “It appears to have markings very similar to the ‘Microsoft’ logo!”
Over the speakers: “THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY.”
Data: “The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects.”
Picard: “Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!”
Riker: “Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive deep space?!”
Data: “I don’t believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!”
Riker and Picard together (horrified): “Lawyers!!”
Geordi: “It can’t be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.”
Data: “True, but apparently some must have survived.”
Riker: “They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with pieces of paper.”
Data: “I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as ‘red tape’ — it often proves fatal.”
Riker: “They’re tearing the Borg to pieces!”
Picard: “Turn off the monitors. I can’t stand to watch, not even the Borg deserves that.”
