bingbongboo fun

The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"
So Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw ‘em forever!"
The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom.
He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.
His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "That you, Bubba?"

A Cajun went duck hunting one day way up north near Shreveport and bagged three ducks.

He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like Cajuns.

The game warden ordered the Cajun to show his hunting license, and the Cajun pulled out a valid Louisiana hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, ‘This duck ain’t from Louisiana . This is a Texas duck. You got a Texas huntin’ license, boy?’

The Cajun reached into his wallet and produced a Texas hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, ‘This ain’t no Texas duck. This duck’s from Arkansas . You got a Arkansas license?’

The Cajun reached into his wallet; and produced an Arkansas hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said ‘This ain’t no Arkansas duck. This here duck’s from Mississippi . You got a Mississippi huntin license?’

Again the Cajun reached into his wallet and brought out a Mississippi hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Cajun ‘Just where the hell are you from?’

The Cajun turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, ‘You tell me. You’re the expert.’

A Russian and a Redneck wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Redneck wrestler’s trainer came to him and said “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished.”

The redneck nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Redneck and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Redneck and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Redneck collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”

The wrestler answered “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”

The trainer exclaimed “That’s what finished him off?”

“Not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.”

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.

She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, ‘Why are you back in so early? ‘What’s wrong?

I was stung by a bee’, she said.

‘Where’, he asked..

‘Between the first and second hole’, she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, ‘Then your stance is too wide.’

Q.  Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A.  Because all the Mexicans who can run,
jump or swim are already in the United
States.

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.

I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!