A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work
The clerk told her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, ‘PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!’
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager In front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,’Ma’am what’s wrong?’ She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams, ‘PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!’
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, ‘Ma’am, why are you saying that?’
In a huff, the woman says, ‘BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED!!’
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around
the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small
sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent
say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!” So the married
couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you
would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex. ”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them,
being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?
The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, Mon.” Well, the husband,
after some badgering from his wife,finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes,
something his wife hadn’t seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the
husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down
his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming,
“You got dem on de wrong feet!”
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is, I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is, that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered i f he had anything left to live for but he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought,
“That’s what I need… a new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman,
“I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,
“Let’s see… size 44 long.” Joe laughed,
“That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”
Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”
Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”
The salesman said, “Let’s see.. size 36.”
Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles
up against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache.”
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
A woman walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the
form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”
