bingbongboo fun

A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work

The clerk told her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, ‘PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!’

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager In front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,’Ma’am what’s wrong?’ She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams, ‘PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!’

Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, ‘Ma’am, why are you saying that?’

In a huff, the woman says, ‘BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED!!’
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

One day about a month ago, President Bush was looking for a call girl.
He found three such girls in a local lounge, a blonde, a brunette and
a redhead. To the blonde he said, “I am the President of the United
States. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?”
She replied, $200.” To the brunette he asked the same question. Her
reply was $100. He then asked the redhead. Her reply was, “Mr.
President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties
as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times, and
keep it rising like the gas prices, keep me warmer than it is in my
apartment and screw me the way you do the public, then believe me, Mr.
President, it isn’t going to cost you a damn cent

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her.

“Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?

Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….Dad. …I became a prostitute…” “Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.” “OK, Dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $1 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club……. (takes a breath)…. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and… …”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.”

“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl

I thought ye said a Protestant.

Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.”

One day a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…

Satan: “Why so glum?”

Guy: “What do you think? I’m in hell!”

Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.

You a drinking man?”

Guy: “Sure, I love to drink.”

Satan: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we
do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca.
We drink ’til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don’t
have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.”

Guy: “Gee that sounds great!”

Satan: “You a smoker?”

Guy: “You be tter believe it”

Satan: “All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars
from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no
bi ggie, you’ re already dead, remember?”

Guy: “Wow…that’s awesome!”

Satan: “I bet you like to gamble.”

Guy: “Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

Satan: “Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps,
blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it
doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.”

Guy: “Cool!”

Satan: “What about drugs?”

Guy: “Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…?”

Satan: “That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big
bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can
do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.”

Guy: “Wow! I never realized Hell wa s such a cool place!”

Satan: “You gay?”

Guy: “No…”

Satan: “Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around
the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small
sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent
say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!” So the married
couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you
would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex. ”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them,
being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?
The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, Mon.” Well, the husband,
after some badgering from his wife,finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes,
something his wife hadn’t seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the
husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down
his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming,

“You got dem on de wrong feet!”

Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida to attend their grandson’s graduation from medical school.

Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit their son in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the medicine cabinet. He asked his son about using one of the pills.

The son said, ‘I don’t think you should take one Dad, they’re very very expensive.’

How much?’ asked Grandpa.

‘Around $10.00 a pill,’ answered the son.

I don’t care,’ said Grandpa, ‘I’d still like to try one. We’ll be leaving early in the morning, so I’ll put the money under the pillow.’

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.
He immediately called Grandpa on his cell phone and said, “I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00.”

‘I know,’ said Grandpa. ‘The hundred is from Grandma.’