bingbongboo fun

Ole and Lena are sixty-nining when Ole says,
"Leena did you know there is 117,000 musk-ox in
Alaska?".
Lena says, "No, I didn’t, Gee, you¹re smart".

Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are
482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No I didn’t. Gee, you¹re smart.
Ole says, "and Lena did you know there is over
2,000,000 caribou living in Alaska?"
"No", says Lena, "how did you get so smart?"
Sort of wondering how this conversation came
about in the middle of their sex play.
Ole says, "Remember last winter when we ran out
of toilet paper and we had to use the pages out
of magazines?"
"Yes, I remember", says Lena.
Ole says, "Well you still have page 63 of the
National Geographic stuck to your ass."

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

"Where’s the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I’m doing to his business down here."

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don’t move until I tell you," she said.

"Pretend you’re a statue." "What’s this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it’s a statue." she replied.

"The Smith’s bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smith’s and nobody offered me a damned thing."

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can’t lie to you," he replied, "I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!"

In a small town in the Old Country, the Rabbi died. 
His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again.   
But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. 

The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. 

However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married.   After the marriage, Friday came. 
She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities). 

Then, she went home to prepare to light the candles.   The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother, Hana, told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it’s good to have sex." 

So they did.   

She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father,Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles it’s good to have sex."

So they did.   

They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke, he said to her, "My grandmother, Rivka, said that before you go to the synagogue it’s good to have sex."

So they did.   

After praying all morning, they came home to rest. Again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather, Moishe, says after praying it’s good to have sex."

So they did.  

On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, "So how is the new husband?"   
She replied, "Well, a scholar he isn’t, but he comes from a wonderful family…