bingbongboo fun

Retard

What do you call a retard with a hard on?
A slow poke.

How Do You Know..

How do you know when a Cub Scout becomes a Boy Scout?
When he eats a Brownie.

Two Words

Parking in the driveway after their first date, Roger leaned over and gave Linda a passionate kiss.

When she responded warmly, he unzipped his fly and pulled her hand to his penis. Furious, Linda opened the door and jumped out of the car.

“I’ve got just two words for you,” she screamed.”Disgusting pig!”

And I’ve got just two words for you,” Roger screamed back. “Let go!”

Washing Machine

This young couple was about to get married and the night before their wedding day they had a talk.
They decided that the one thing that they never wanted to have a problem with was initiating sex in their marriage.

To solve that problem they decided to come up with a “code word” to help break the ice when asking for sex.

While they were trying to think of a word the washing machine went off balance and the husband says, “I have an idea, why not use ‘washing machine’ as the code word?” So washing machine it was…

A year passed by and one night they were lying in bed and she was reading and he was watching TV. The husband rolls over and says, “Honey, Washing machine?”, and she replies, “Honey, not tonight, I’ve
got a huge headache. I promise we’ll do it tomorrow night!”

So he says, “Alright that’s fine, We’ll do it tomorrow.” They roll to their respective side of the bed and go to sleep. However, the wife can’t sleep because she’s thinking, gosh we’ve only been married 1 year so we’re still practically newlyweds maybe I should indulge him. She rolls over to her husband and whispers, “Honey, are you still awake??”,

He replies, “Yeah, what do you want?”.

She says, “Washing Machine?!?!?!?”

“Forget about it. It was a small load, I did it by hand.”

Teacher

A man checks into a hotel and the desk clerk asks, very quietly, if
he would like a woman sent to his room.

The man says yes.

The desk clerk says, “I have a stenographer, a switchboard operator or a teacher. Which one should I send up?”

With this the man replies, “I’ll take the teacher.”

When the man checks out the next morning, the desk clerk says, “I’m curious, why did you pick the teacher instead of the stenographer or the switchboard operator?”

The man replies, “The stenographer would say that she can’t take it as fast as I give it. The switchboard operator would cut me off before I’m finished, but the teacher would tell me to do it over and over again until I get it right.”

Quick Refund

A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work

The clerk told her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, ‘PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!’

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager In front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,’Ma’am what’s wrong?’ She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams, ‘PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!’

Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, ‘Ma’am, why are you saying that?’

In a huff, the woman says, ‘BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED!!’
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!