Archive for the ‘school’ Category
The School Play
If this doesn’t make you laugh, there is absolutely no hope for your day!
Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.
The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden…. I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups.
The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified.
They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.
The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words….. "My fair maiden…. I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out….."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit…
I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway…."
The audience left howling!!
Ghetto Spelling
Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.
1. Hotel
– I gave my girlfriend da crabs, and the ho Tel everybody!
2. Dictate
– My girlfriend say my dictate good.
3. Rectum
– I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both!
4. Disappointment
– My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment, they gonna send me back to the joint.
5. Penis
– I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
6. Israel
– Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, ‘Man, it look fake.’ He say, ‘Bullshit, that watch Israel .’
7. Undermine
– There’s a fine lookin’ ho living in the apartment undermine.
8. Fortify
– I axed this ho on DA street , ‘How much?’ She say ‘Fortify.’
Furthering your education with Today’s Ebonic Word….
Today’s word is: ‘OMELETTE’ Let us use it in a sentence…
– “I should pop yo ass of what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide.”
Students at a local school were assigned to read two books
“Titanic” & “My Life” by Bill Clinton……
One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:….. Cost – $29.99
Clinton:….. Cost – $29.99
Titanic:….. Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:…. Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:….. The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:….. The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:….. Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:….. Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:…. In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:….. Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:….. During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton:….. Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:….. Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:….. Let’s not go there.
Titanic:….. Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:….. Monica’s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:….. Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:….. Clinton doesn’t remember Jack.
Titanic:….. Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:….. Monica…ooh, let’s not go there, either.
Titanic: ….. Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: ….. Bill goes home to Hillary – basically the same thing.
