bingbongboo fun

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.’

‘What do they say?’ the priest inquired.

They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?’

That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed. He thought for a moment.

‘You know,’ he said, ‘I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, And we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying . .  That phrase . . In no time.’

Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’

The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in,  she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. 

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, ‘Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!’

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’  
‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay.’

An Irish priest was transferred to ** Texas **….

Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station . The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day to yourself . This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann ‘s
Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple of your lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O’Malley then replied: "Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?" 
"No," she replies, "I’m married to God." She stands up, and
gets off at the next stop. 
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:

"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!" 
"Yeah?", says the hippie. 
"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God." 
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. 
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his
face.  "Have sex with me." 
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. 
‘God’ agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. 
"Ha-ha," he cries. "I’m the hippie!" 
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I’m the bus driver!

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Pearly Gate Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to let him in. "Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Peter’s keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn’t resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you’ll go straight to hell! Follow me, we’re almost there."
After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off.
"Why is it so damn cold down here?" Peter asks.
"Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: ‘Father … During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.’ The priest replied: ‘That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.’
‘There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.’
The priest said, ‘That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.’
‘Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.’
‘And what is that?’ asked the priest.
‘Should I tell her the war is over?”