bingbongboo fun

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, ‘Ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side either.

One day as confessions were on in church the priest comes out of the confession box and asks the young man sweeping the floor to act as a priest for a minute as he really needs to relieve himself. The priest tells him there is a chart of penance on the wall inside, so the young man agrees.

The first person enters to confess and says “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I stole some food from the supermarket.”

“You will be forgiven”, replies the young man. He looks at the chart and says “10 Hail Mary’s for your sins.”

The second person enters to confess and says “Forgive me father. I lied to my mother yesterday”

The young man looks for lying on the chart and says “You will be forgiven. Say 20 Hail Mary’s for your sins.”

The third person, a teenage boy, then enters and says “Forgive me father for I have sinned. Yesterday I let my girlfriend give me a blowjob.”

The young man looks at the chart but doesn’t see blowjob on it. He opens the door and calls over one of the alter boys. “What does the priest give you boys for blowjobs?” he asks.

The alter boy replies “A can of coke and a Mars bar.”

Each Friday night after work, Sardar would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics … and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar attended Mass… and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic.”

Sardar’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar’s backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Sardar, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: “Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken and you were raised a lamb but now you are a potato and tomato”

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a Mass for the
poor creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”

Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”

Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.”

The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?”

The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped..”

The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.”

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”

The Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”

A man gave a lift to a Nun last week, He keept staring at her from the time she got in,
She asked him why he kept staring at her, he replied “I have a question to ask you, but i dont want to offend you”.
She said: “my dear man, you cannnot offend me, when you’re as old as i am, and have been a Nun as long as i have,
you get to see and hear just about everything, go ahead and ask”.

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me”, he said,
She said, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that:
Number 1, you have to be single………..and Number 2, you must be a Catholic”.
The man said, “Yes, I am single and I am a Catholic!”.
The Nun said, “OK then, pull into the next alley”.
He does and the Nun fuilfills his fantasy……
But when they get back on the road again, the man started to cry…
“My dear child”, said the Nun, “Why are you crying?”.
“Forgive me Sister but I have sinned,
I lied,
I must confess
I’m married,
and I’m a Baptist”.

The Nun said, “Oh that’s OK,”

“I am on my way to a Halloween party”