1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can’t hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I’d like to check you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
Fat Penguin………………. Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.
9) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can’t find my puppy , can you help me find him? I Think he went into this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin’, we kin sleep Til afternoon.
And…. The best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up
Q. What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale???
A. A Northern fairytale begins, “Once
upon a time…”
A Southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t
gonna believe this shit.”
Q. What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A. The Southern zoo has a description
of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday,
the Sex-Ed class uses it.
Q. What do you call a Mississippi
farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’.
In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn’t getting enough work done.
Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do. “Homer,” said the doctor, “just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you’re in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene’s signal to come out to you. Then you won’t lose any field time.”
They tried Doc’s advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor’s office.
“What’s wrong?” asked the Doc. “Didn’t my idea work?”
“Oh, it worked well,” said Homer. “Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene’d come runnin’. We’d find a secluded place and make love and then she’d go back home again.”
“Good Homer. So, what’s the problem?” asked the Doc.
“Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain’t seen her since huntin’ season started!”
