… man with tight trousers, pressing his luck.
… man who throw dirt, losing ground.
… man who fishes in other’s holes, get crabs.
… he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
… cow with no legs, ground beef.
… two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
… baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become
shiftless.
… bird in hand, make difficult to blow nose.
… finding old man in dark, not hard.
… man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam.
… man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.
… man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake with stinky finger.
… war not determine who right, war determine who left.
… naked man fear no pickpocket.
… squirrel who run up woman’s leg, not find nuts.
… woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom.
… support bacteria, is only culture some people have.
… man who eat too many jellybean, fart in Technicolor.
… man who marry girl with no bust, have right to feel low down.
… man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
… man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
… he who sit on upturned tack, rise above all.
… even greatest of whales, helpless in desert.
… wash face in morning, neck at night.
There once was an Indian whose given name was “Onestone.” So named because He had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call Him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If Anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!” The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, “Good morning, Onestone.” He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where He made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next Day, Until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him & said, “Good to see you, Onestone.”
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made Love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!
Why Not?
You can’t kill two birds with one stone!
September 16th, 2005
12:31
Quotes
“Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder:…
– What was I thinking?”
“Congratulations on your wedding day!…
– Too bad no one likes your wife.”
“How could two people as beautiful as you….
– have such an ugly baby?”
“I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love…
– After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”
“I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…
– I never believed in Hell until I met you.”
“As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…
– that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”
“As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you’ve given me…
– Like the need for therapy.”
“Thanks for being a part of my life!!!…
– I never knew what evil was before this!”
“Before you go,…
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
– You’ll probably need it again.”
“Someday I hope to get married…
– but not to you.”
“You look great for your age…
– Almost Lifelike!”
“When we were together, you always said you’d die for me…
– Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”
“I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend…
– So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”
“We have been friends for a very long time…
– What do you say we call it quits?”
“I’m so miserable without you…
– It’s almost like you’re here.”
“Congratulations on your new bundle of joy…
– Did you ever find out who the father was?”
“You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
– I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”
