bingbongboo fun

“POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR THE SAME REASON.”

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: “Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Sure, Chief, coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter “Want coffee.”

The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto! we’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday and what was that all about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in Canadian Parliament. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”

Bush and Cheney are at a restaurant for lunch.

The waitress comes over and asks what they will be having.

Bush says, "I’ll have a quickie."

The waitress steps back in disgust and says, "Mr. President, I thought that kind of piggish behavior went out with the last administration!"

She storms off and Dubya looks confused.

Cheney shakes his head at the president and says, "George, it’s pronounced QUICHE."

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the Rugged Mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a “Save the Whales” hat, and a “To Hell with Bush” T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a huge Grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear’s chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp hen using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. “I give you my blessing for your brave Actions!” he told them. “I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental Activists but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.

“As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his Buddies “Who was that guy?” “It was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.”
“Well,” the Logger Said, “he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn’t know anything About Grizzly bear hunting!
By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?”

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had
several hundred young layers (hens), called “pullets”, and ten
roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city
folks).

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform
went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his
time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
simply by listening to the bells. The farmer’s favorite rooster was
old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch’s bell
hadn’t rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The
pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his
beak, so it couldn’t ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job
and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew
County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result…The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell
Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: Who else but
a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

The newswires have reported that the French Government has announced that it
has raised it’s terror alert level from ‘Run’ to ‘Hide’. The only two higher
levels in France are ‘Surrender’ and ‘Collaborate’. The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire, which destroyed France’s White Flag factory,
effectively disabling their military.

The Italians have increased their alert level from “shout loudly and
excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain,
“ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “disdainful arrogance” to
“dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels,
“invade a neighbour” and “lose”.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from
“isolationism” to “find somewhere else in the middle east ripe for regime
change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “take on the world” and
“ask the British for help”.

Finally in the UK  they’ve gone from “pretend nothing’s happening” to “make
another cup of tea”. Their higher levels are “remain resolutely cheerful”
and “win”.