bingbongboo fun

Students were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ & ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton.

One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic:….. $29.99
Clinton:….. $29.99

Titanic:….. Over 3 hours to read
Clinton…… Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:….. The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:….. The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:….. Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:….. Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:…. In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:…. Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:….. During ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton:….. Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:….. Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:….. Let’s not go there.

Titanic:….. Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:….. Monica’s forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:….. Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:….. Clinton doesn’t remember Monica.

Titanic:….. Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:….. Monica…ooh, let’s not go there, either.

Titanic:….. Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:….. Bill goes home to Hilary…basically the same thing.

  One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money
from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m
doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept
money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve
Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.’
Then, a City Council Member comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from
you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The City Council Member is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen City Council Members lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the elected officials.

A woman married three times walked into a Bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding Gown for her fourth wedding.

‘Of course, madam,’ replied the sales clerk, exactly what type and color are you looking for?’

The bride to be said: ‘A long frilly white Dress with a veil.’

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, ‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature is considered More appropriate for brides who are being married the first time – for those who
Are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?’

‘Well,’ replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, ‘I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.’

‘What about your third husband?’ asked the Sales clerk.

‘That one was a Democrat,’ said the woman, ‘and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.’

Hillary bought Obama a parrot for his birthday.

She told Bill, “The bird is so smart! Barrack has taught him over 200 words!”

“Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” Bill said.
“But you do realize, don’t you, that he’s just saying the words? He doesn’t really understand what they mean.”

“That’s OK,” Hillary replied. “Neither does the parrot.”

In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase ‘Spending a Penny’ is not to be used after 31st December 2009.

From this date, the correct terminology will be: ‘Euronating’.

Thank you for your attention.

Brussels Bureaucracy.

This morning, from somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammad Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America ’s supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell Computer customer service reps, Motel 6 managers, and liquor store cashiers.

Who knew it would come to this.

It’s getting ugly