bingbongboo fun

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in awhile a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”

“Damn!” says the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back alley is right behind the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!”

“So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “not all of them pay up”….

Whilst walking his beat, a policeman is bemused to find a young man, clearly drunk, staggering about with a key in his hand.

“They’ve stolen my car,” the drunk shouts. “It was right here earlier, right on the end of this key.”

“More importantly, sir,” the policeman says, “are you aware that your penis is hanging out?”

“Oh my God!” wails the drunk. “The bastards have got my girlfriend as well.”

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

“Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

A tourist visiting New York City walked into a pet shop and
was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a
police officer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll
take a Patrol monkey, please.” The shopkeeper nodded, went
over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a
monkey. He fit it with a collar and leash and handed it to
the officer saying, “That’ll be $1,000.” The officer paid
and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,
“That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a
few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?”

The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that monkey is an expert in
firing small arms, can write 20 tickets a month, and is
certified in small unit tactics — well worth the money!”

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. “That
one’s even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?”

“Oh, that one’s a POST certified Technician Patrol monkey;
it can instruct other monkeys in basic firearms skills,
counter-terrorism training, physical training, small unit
tactics, and investigative techniques, and it can even type.
All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a
third monkey in a large cage of its own. The price tag
around its neck read $70,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper,
“That one costs more than all the others put together! What
on earth does it do?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do
anything, but it says it’s a Sergeant.”