bingbongboo fun

A cowboy from Texas gets pulled over by an Arizona DPS Trooper for speeding.

The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The cowboy sez, “Y’all havin some problem with circle flies ?” The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they’re called. But I never heard of no circle flies.”

“Well, sir,” the cowboy replies, “circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”

The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and says, “Are you calling’ me a horse’s ass?”

“No, sir,” the cowboy replies, “I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y’all a horse’s ass.”

“That’s a good thing,” the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, “Hard to fool them flies though.

A blonde’s car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.

She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers…

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.

It wasn’t very long before a police car arrives.

The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?”

“My car broke down, Officer” says the woman, calmly.

“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asks the Officer…

“Oh, those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.

He said, ‘I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.’ She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, ‘It looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.’

She replied, ‘You mean it shows that, too?’

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.

There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”

“Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money?
Did you steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.

Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!”

“So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “not all of them pay up”….

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling

out of that bag…”   “Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go

back and see if I can still find some.  Thanks for the warning!”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop.  “How did you get all that money?” “

Did you steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady.  “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!”

“So, I go and stand ! behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone  sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop.  “OK, good luck!  By the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “not all of them pay up”

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14 “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11 “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

# 9 “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

# 8 “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

# 7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!.”

# 6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

# 5 “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

# 4 “Just how big were those two beers?”

# 3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

# 2 “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

and, ah yes, the best one (although, I really like #8)…

# 1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t… Sign here.