bingbongboo fun

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding…

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car..
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

A policeman seeking to join the London Met’s Firearms Department, is being interviewed.

The Commander doing the interview says: "Your qualifications look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a loaded service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot twenty illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, sixty Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
" Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude", says the Commander. "When can you start?"

The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex, often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, ‘What the heck, I’ll try it.’

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too
open. He considered an alley but figured that was too unsafe. Finally,
he realized his solution.

On the way home from work, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to
masturbate, he closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, ‘What?’

He heard ‘This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?’

The man replied, ‘I’m checking out the rear axle, it’s busted.’

The cop says, ‘Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.!’

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel
after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, “Okay, pedestrians.” Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.

He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, “Pedestrians!” for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, “Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?”