bingbongboo fun

Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever’s dog won would dominate the world.

Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever.

When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it’s cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama’s dog.

Osama’s dog snarled and leaped out of it’s cage and charged the American dog–but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it’s mouth and ate Osama’s dog whole!

Osama replied, "We don’t understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves!"

"Uncle Sam said, "That’s nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

The Marine Drill Sergeant noticed a new recruit and barked at him, ‘Get
your ass over here! What’s your name?”
“Paul,” the new recruit replied.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy bull-shit they’re
teaching in boot camp today, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,”
the sergeant scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a
breakdown in authority.  I refer to my recruits by their last names
only — Smith, Jones, Baker.  I am to be referred to only as
‘Sergeant.’ Do I make myself clear?”  ;
“Yes, sir, Sergeant!”
“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”
The recruit sighed “Darling, My name is Paul Darling.”

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, ‘Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ‘urges’. That’s why we have Molly The Camel.’

The Captain says, ‘I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about ‘urges’, so the camel can stay ..’

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own ‘urges’. Crazy With passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he’s done, he asks the Sergeant, ‘Is that how the men do it?’

‘No, not really, sir…. they usually just ride the camel into town…. where the girls are.’

This morning, from somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammad Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America ’s supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell Computer customer service reps, Motel 6 managers, and liquor store cashiers.

Who knew it would come to this.

It’s getting ugly

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat…
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ‘I need to get up and get a coke.’

‘Don’t get up,’ said the Marine, ‘I’m in the aisle seat, ‘I’ll get it for you.’

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine’s shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good, I’d rea! lly like one,too.’

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine’s other shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

‘Why does it have to be this way?’ he asked. ‘How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?’

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
‘You ‘have been to France before, monsieur?’ the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. ‘Zen, you should know enough to ‘have your passport ready for inspection.’
The American said, ‘The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.’
‘Impossible. You Americans always ‘have to show your passports on arrival in France !’
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ‘Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in ‘44 I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.