Archive for the ‘Medical’ Category
Baby’s First Exam
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.
‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
I know, she said. I’m his Grandma ..but I’m glad I came.
Working Two Jobs
In order to pay his nursing school tuition, a student was working two jobs over the summer, as a butcher’s assistant and as a hospital orderly, both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.
One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye, and screamed, "God save me! It’s the Butcher!"
The Young Nerd
There was a boy in the local high school who was what is considered to be a nerd.
He had his own lab in the basement of their home.
One night he came up and said: "Dad look what I made." He poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass started to grow.
Of course his dad was quite impressed by this.
He asked his son if he can develop a chemical formula to make his penis grow longer and larger.
His son thought for a moment and said, If I do, then, you have to buy me a convertible."
Dad agreed.
The next night his son came out of the basement and gave his Dab a vial.
The father was told to drink it.
The next morning his father came to him and told him that he had something to show him.
They went to the front yard and the boy saw a cherry red Ferrari.
The son looked at Dad and said, "I only asked for a convertible!"
Dad replied, "Your convertible is in the garage. The Ferrari is from your mother."
A New Type Of Diet
An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor’s office crying and claims that she has tried every possible way to lose weight, all to no avail.
She continues to sob, "My husband won’t make love to me any more. My friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just can’t take it any more!" The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet … rectal feeding. Reassuring the patient that she won’t starve to death, the doctor explains that she’ll actually take in enough nutrients, through the rectal walls, to sustain life and that she’s sure to lose weight in the process.
Three weeks later the patient comes in for a follow-up appointment and she’s down from her 360 pounds to a trim 110 pounds. At first the doctor doesn’t recognize her and asks his nurse, "Who is that beautiful lady in the waiting area?" The nurse reminds the doctor that she’s the fat lady on the special, rectal diet.
The doctor shows the patient into the exam room and notices that she’s bouncing up and down and side to side quite energetically.
The doctor asks how she’s doing and if there was anything wrong.
The patient replies, "I’m feeling great Doc. Never felt better!"
"In that case, why are you bouncing up and down and side to side?"
The patient replies, "Oh, that, I’m just chewing gum."
Involuntary Muscles
A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
“Sure!” she says, “He’s at home taking care of the kids…”
Urologist
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist
as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a
very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, ‘I’m going to check your prostate today, but
this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used
to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I
check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99′.
The guy obeys and says, ’99′! The doctor says, ‘Great. Now turn over on
your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath
and say, ’99.’
Again, the guy says, ’99.’
The doctor said, ‘Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly. I’m goin g to check your prostate with
this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to
keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, ’99.’
The guy begins, ‘One .. Two … Three’.
