On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she guessed.
“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, “Champagne?.
“No,” said the little boy…”It’s a puppy!”
For his birthday little Johnny asked for a new bicycle.
His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $180,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”
The next day the father saw little heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $180,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!”
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in Ithaca , New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
“Kenneth,” came the reply.
“And what is your question, Kenneth?”
“I have three questions, Ma-am:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”
..Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, “Okay where were we?
Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”
This time a different little boy puts his hand up;
Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
“Larry,” he said.
“And what is your question?”
“I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?”
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:
“Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
“Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
“That would be rude and impolite!!!
What about you Peter, how would you say it?”
“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after supper.”
The teacher fainted
Little Johnnie was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with some of the neighborhood children for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what is it called when people sleep on top of each other?”
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth.
“It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.” Then she explained all about the birds and the bees to him in some detail.
Little Johnnie just said, “OK” and went back outside to play.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it is NOT called sexual intercourse! It’s called bunk beds!”
Little Johnny and Jenny were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love.
One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said; “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love, and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing that he had ever heard, Mr.
Smith replied, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied; “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine, and we can both fit there nicely.”
Still thinking this was just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.”
Again, Johnny instantly replied, “Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week, and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine”
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thought for a moment, trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr.
Smith said; “Well Johnny, it seems like you have everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said; “Well, we’ve been lucky so far..”
