One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”
She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Johnny.
“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said
‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!’”
I borrowed these from Ron Knee’s Rants And Raves
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”
The teacher replied, ‘Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation..
The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’
Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”
I borrowed these from Ron Knee’s Rants And Raves
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
Johnny says “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.”
Little Johnny says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”
I borrowed these from Ron Knee’s Rants And Raves
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father?
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,’” I said “6″, replies Johnny.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.
“Yeah, but then she asked me “How much is 3×2?’”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!”
I borrowed these from Ron Knee’s Rants And Raves
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then little Johnny says, “I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,” but I like your thinking.”
I borrowed these from Ron Knee’s Rants And Raves
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she guessed.
“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, “Champagne?.
“No,” said the little boy…”It’s a puppy!”
