bingbongboo fun

A lawyer and an Italian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Italians are so dumb that he could get over on them easy…So the lawyer asks if the Italian would like to play a fun game.

The Italian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Italians attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the Moon ?’ The Italian doesn’t say a word, re aches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it’s the Italian’s turn. He asks lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four ?’ The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Italian and hands him $500. The Italian pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Italian up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four ?’

The Italian reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

‘May I help you sir?’ she asked.

‘I want to see Valerie,’ the man replied.

‘Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else’, said the madam.

‘No, I must see Valerie,’ he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie , and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, ‘No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.

Where are you from?’.

The man replied, ‘ Ontario ‘.

‘Really’, she said. ‘I have family in Ontario .’

‘I know.’ the man said.

‘Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.’

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son.

The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, and goes blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, carefully puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, arises from her seat, and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants.

She takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the

father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “Divorce attorney”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, “Hi there good lookin’. How’s it going?” Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, “Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean … It doesn’t matter to me, I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it.”

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, “No kidding. I’m a lawyer too. What firm are you with?”

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”

A lawyer was reading the will of a rich man:

“To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times as well as the smooth, I leave the house and $2 million.

“To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.

“And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought I would not remember him in my will — you were wrong. Hello, Dan!”