A father walks into a bookstore with his young son.
The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, and goes blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, carefully puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, arises from her seat, and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants.
She takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the
father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “Divorce attorney”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, “Hi there good lookin’. How’s it going?” Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, “Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean … It doesn’t matter to me, I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it.”
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, “No kidding. I’m a lawyer too. What firm are you with?”
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”
January 1st, 2006
21:02
Lawyer
A lawyer was reading the will of a rich man:
“To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times as well as the smooth, I leave the house and $2 million.
“To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.
“And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought I would not remember him in my will — you were wrong. Hello, Dan!”
October 11th, 2005
12:57
Lawyer
A lawyer goes to a nursing home to visit an elderly client. He notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can’t help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they have finished talking, the bowl is empty.
The lawyer says, “I’m so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all your peanuts.
“That’s okay,” says the elderly client. “They would have just sat there.
Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl”.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.
He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, “You really are a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.”
