bingbongboo fun

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’ 
The man said, ‘I do, Father.’
The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’
Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
‘Certainly, Father,’ the man replied. 
‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’ 
The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes.   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’

An Irish priest is driving down to  New York  and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. 
He says, ‘Sir, have you been drinking?’
‘Just water,’ says the priest.
The trooper says, ‘Then why do I smell wine?’
The priest looks at the bottle and says, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again!’

Paddy was in  New York
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, ‘Okay, pedestrians.’   Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.
He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop ha d shouted, ‘Pedestrians!’ for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, ‘Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?’

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.  

Looking up to heaven he said, ‘Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!’ 

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, ‘Never mind, I found one.’

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed
a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the
dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m
completely nude’. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the
dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new
clothes!’ As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed…’YES! YES! I WON, I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and
her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’
MORAL OF THE STORY –
Not all Irish are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men…are, well, men.

As Paddy lay dying he called for his two best friends, Murphy and Seamus, to come to his bedside.

“I want you to promise me that when I’m gone you will bury me at sea”.

His two friends promised that his last wish would be carried out for him.

After the funeral, the two friends hired a rowing boat and after rowing for a while, Murphy said “This looks deep enough!”, and jumped out of the boat only to find the water only came up to his knees.

They rowed out further, and Murphy found that the water came up to his waist when he jumped out again.

Further still they rowed out, and the next time Murphy jumped out, he disappeared under the water and was gone for a couple of minutes.

Coming back to the surface, he shouted to Seamus “Hey, this spot will do Paddy just nicely, hand me the shovel”.