This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey on with a little Lions helmet too. The guy says to the bartender, “Can my dog and I watch the Lions game here? My TV at home broke and my dog and I want to see the game.”
The guy agrees and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon the Lions kick a field goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.
The bartender says, “Hey, that’s cool! What does he do for a touch down?”
The guy answers, “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for 3 years.”
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their
lives.
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day
Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played
Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour,
when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s Football
there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says:” Mike, you’ve been my
best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour
for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound
sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to
him,”
Mike–Mike.”
“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad
news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s football in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always
spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play
football all we want, and we never get tired.”
“That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s
the bad news?
“You’re playing Tuesday.”
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their
lives.
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day
Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played
Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour,
when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s Football
there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says:” Mike, you’ve been my
best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour
for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound
sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to
him,”
Mike–Mike.”
“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad
news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s football in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always
spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play
football all we want, and we never get tired.”
“That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s
the bad news?
“You’re playing Tuesday.”
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”
“Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!”
“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money?
Did you steal it?”
“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.
Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!”
“So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!”
“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well”, says the little old lady, “not all of them pay up”….
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag.
Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience.
“And the Americans, they are so friendly!” he concluded. “Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, …. ‘Jose, can you see?’”
