bingbongboo fun

Q: whats the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

A: getting the wheelchair in the oven

A few summers ago a gentleman and his wife were touring Merry Old England.

While in the countryside they came upon an old medieval monastery.

A sign in the front announced that they had a restaurant inside specializing in Fish and Chips.

Being in Merry Old England they decided to partake in the advertised Fish and Chips special.

Upon entering the quaint old building they were met by two monks that were most courteous and after a few minutes of chit-chat as to where they were from and how they liked England, they were seated.

After several minutes wait they were eating the most scrumptious Fish and Chips they had EVER tasted!

Many, many accolades were heaped on the monks that served them on how fantastic the food was.

The monks disappeared and in a minute or two they returned with two other brothers wearing white aprons.

One monk pointed to the two wearing the aprons and said, “These two brothers are responsible for your meal.”

The man pointed to one and asked, “Are you the fish friar?”

No, sir,” retorted the brother, “I’m the chip monk”.

One beautiful autumn day, a Park Ranger discovered a man sitting in the woods chewing away on a dead Bald Eagle.
“Hey mister, the Bald Eagle is a protected species, and killing one is punishable offence”, said the Park Ranger.

The man was swiftly arrested, and ushered before the judge.
In court, he pleaded innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation.

“I was so hungry,” complained the defensive camper, “the Bald Eagle was the only food I could find!”

To everyone’s amazement, the judge ruled in his favour.
In the judge’s closing statement he said to the man, “I would like you to ask you something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it.
But I’d like to know: What did it taste like?”

The man answered, “Well, it tasted like a cross between a Whooping Crane and a Spotted Owl.”

A German tourist walks into a McDonalds in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, “They don’t serve beer here, you moron!”

The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.

“And what’s so funny?” the New Yorker demands.

“Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!”

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.”

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

“Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have — meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner’s wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

“Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.”

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, “Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.”

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

“Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.”

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “Hey I didn’t know that Mary worked here…”