bingbongboo fun

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.
“No, I don’t” she replied.
Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”
She didn’t crack a smile.
“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
I was just picturing how condoms are made!” she said.

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need - a new suit.”

He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see… size 44 long.” Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!” Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck.” Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!” Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about new shoes?” Joe was on a roll and said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed Joe’s feet and said, “Let’s see…9-1/2 E.” Joe was astonished, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!” Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?” Joe thought for a second and said, “Sure.” The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see…size 36.” Joe laughed “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

get a second opinion…

A gentleman is undergoing a vasectomy.
During the delicate operation, one of his testicles falls onto the floor and before the nurse can pick it up, the doctor steps on it.

The doctor tells the nurse, “Don’t worry, we can replace it.
Get me a very small onion. It’s pickled, it won’t go off”

She does and the doctor replaces the missing ball with the onion.

A few weeks later, the patient stops by to see the doctor, who asks him what seems to be the problem.

“Well, it’s like this,” the patient replies.
“Every time I take a piss, my eyes water. Every time I come, I get heartburn

and every time I pass a Burger King, I get a hard-on!”

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A man goes to the doctors. The doc checks him over, and says “sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There’s nothing I can do for you.
Just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.” So he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he’s never been there before. He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners - prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house - and wins a grand.

The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000. The bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says “son - I’ve never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house & the national grid - I’ve never met anyone so lucky.”

“Lucky??” he screamed, “lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got yellow 24.”

“blow me,” says the bingo caller. “You’ve won the raffle as well”!

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he’s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. “I’m afraid I have some bad news.
You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says. “Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks. “10…” says the doctor. “10?
10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately. “10…9…8…7…”