Archive for the ‘Doctor’ Category
Midget Balls
The testicles of a midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem..
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.
The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
“Aha!” said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side……….then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching. The doctor said,” How does that feel now?”
The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it.
What did you do?
The doctor replied “I cut two inches off the top of your rubber boots.”
Breast Enlargement
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith to see about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her ‘Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,’Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!’
She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose er lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ‘Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?’
‘Yes I am… how did you know?’
He winked and whispered, ‘Hickory dickory dock…’
Female Urologist
My family Doctor just recently referred me to a just out of medical school female urologist.
I saw her yesterday, and she’s absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.
She told me that I must stop masturbating.
I asked her why, and she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you……”
Three Arkansas Surgeons
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries
they had performed. One of them said, “I’m the best surgeon in Arkansas . In
my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I
reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the
Queen of England .”
The second surgeon said. “That’s nothing. A young man lost an arm and both
legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold
medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
“The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years a go a woman
was high on cocaine and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling at
80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman’s blonde hair
and the horse’s ass. I was able to put them together and now she’s running
for President.”
The New Wing
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital,
the Allergists voted to scratch it and
the Dermatologists advised no rash moves.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body”,
while the Pediatricians said, “Grow up!”
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing
and the Radiologists could see right through it!
The Physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow;
and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.
The Anesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas
and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some a-hole in Administration.
Irish Diet
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The Irishman nodded…”I’ll tell you though, beJaysuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day.”
From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from fo*kin’ skippin’ “the Irishman said.
