bingbongboo fun

One Day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, ‘My Elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I’d better see a Doctor.’

‘Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind Of money,’ Mike replies.

‘There’s a diagnostic Computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 – A lot cheaper than a Doctor.’

So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small Jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. 10 Seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
‘You have Tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and Epsom salts found on aisle 2. Avoid heavy activity. It will Improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.’

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer Could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool Sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and Daughter, and a sperm Sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, Pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The Computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water Softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your Daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your Wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a Lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your Elbow will never get better!

I became fully aware last night that I’ve been spending entirely too much time with my computer.

The first clue was when I noticed that my right hand is now permanently cramped into the famous “Microsoft Mouse” position.

The second hint was a little more tragic… As I lay in bed last night looking at my wife, thinking how nice it would be to have sex with her, I rested my hand upon her breast and gently cupped it (having no choice, since my right hand is now permanently cramped). I heard a soft moan, but moments later found myself relegated back to my side of the bed.

Alas, I had double clicked her nipple.

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

Sometimes she can be such a bitch

There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark??’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power……… A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!’

When you dial a wrong number it will never be busy.

First Corollary — If no one answers they will call you back and ask who you are.

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India
The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”

Mujibar said, “I am ready”

The manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.”

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister manager, I am ready”

The manager said, “Go ahead.”

Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.’”

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.

No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.