The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?
The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff… I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt… so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants… so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, “Now go to town cowboy.”
And here I am.
Son of a gun, blonde men do exist!
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!”
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, “Well little lady, why don’t you go on and give it a try?”
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge nine-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were seven more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration; “CRAP! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!”
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” she asks?
“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, “Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!”
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.
“You’re a rotten sister,” she screams. “My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never had a boyfriend. So she went to a Psychic for help.
“Honey,” said the Psychic. “You will not have luck in love in this life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.”
Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought, “The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins.”
She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But, incredibly Jane didn’t die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face,
“Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!!
A blonde’s car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers…
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.
It wasn’t very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?”
“My car broke down, Officer” says the woman, calmly.
“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asks the Officer…
“Oh, those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, ‘I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.’ She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, ‘It looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.’
She replied, ‘You mean it shows that, too?’
