Archive for the ‘Blonde’ Category
Blonde Twins
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, ‘what the heck’, and I started jumping up and down along with her.
She said, ‘I have some really great news!’
I said, ‘Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.’
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she’d been trying for a while so I told her, ‘That’s great I couldn’t be happier for you!’
Then she said, ‘There’s more’, I asked ‘What do you mean there’s more?’ She said, ‘Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!’
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said, ‘Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam’s Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!
Short Fuse
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
‘What a Great chest you have!’
He tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.’
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,’What massive calves you have!’
The body builder tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.’
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, ‘I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!’
Suicide Blonde
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!!!’
The blonde replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next !’
T-G-I-F vs S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside
who greeted him with a bright smile,
‘T-G-I-F.’
He smiled at her and replied,
‘S-H-I-T.’
She looked puzzled and repeated,
‘T-G-I-F,’ more slowly.
He again answered,
‘S-H-I-T.’
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
‘T-G-I-F.’
The man smiled back to her and once again said,
‘S-H-I-T.’
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank Goodness It’s Friday.’ Get it, duuhhh?’
The man answered, ”S-H-I-T’ means
‘Sorry, Honey, it’s Thursday’
Bob & The Blonde
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he’ll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he’ll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won’t."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You’re on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair’s fair. Here’s your money."
Bob replied, "I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn’t think he’d do it again."
Bob took the money…
The Blonde Irish
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed
a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the
dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m
completely nude’. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the
dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new
clothes!’ As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed…’YES! YES! I WON, I WON!’
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and
her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’
MORAL OF THE STORY –
Not all Irish are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men…are, well, men.
