bingbongboo fun

Q.  What do you call a Mississippi
farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A.  A pimp.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: “Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Sure, Chief, coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter “Want coffee.”

The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto! we’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday and what was that all about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in Canadian Parliament. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”

A woman recently received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

She tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else she could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, she was fed up and yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. She shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

So, in desperation, she threw up her hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that she hurt the parrot, she quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto her outstretched arm and said ‘I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behavior.’

She was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As she was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,  ‘May I ask what the turkey did?’

panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of chips
he eats it, then pulls out a shotgun, shoots the waiter and heads for the exit
the manager calls after him “what the fuck?”
panda calls back “i’m a panda. look it up”
manager gets out a dictionary. “PANDA: Large black and white bear. Eats shoots and leaves”

Two guys walking down the street see a male dog licking his
tool. One guy looks at the other and says,”I wish I could do that.” The
other replies,”You probably can, just pet him first to make sure he is
friendly.

‘1′
Blaming your farts on me…..
not funny… not funny at all !!!

————————————————–
‘2′
Yelling at me for barking.
I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG, YOU IDIOT!

————————————————–
‘3′
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

————————————————-
‘4′
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

————————- ————————-
‘5′
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you’re not home.  
 

 ’6′
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Woo Hoo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.<   
 
————————————! —– ———
‘7′
Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”,
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

————————————————–
‘8′
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

————————————————–
‘9′
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven’t you noticed the fur?    

————————————————–
‘10′
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You’re just jealous.

——– ——————————————  
 
Now lay off me on some of these things.
We both know who’s boss here!
You don’t see me picking up your poop do you?