bingbongboo fun

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller, “I want to open a fuckin’ checking account.”
The astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a fuckin’ checking account now!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no fuckin problem,” the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my fuckin money in this damn bank.”

“Oh…I see,” says the manager, “and is this bitch giving you a hard time sir???”

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?”
“Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.
“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?”
So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again, “Would you let me bite your breasts – just once – for $10,000 dollars?!”
She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars…; Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them – but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, ‘Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?’
“Nah,” says the little old Jewish man … “Costs too much!”

They say the happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the
day you sell it!! Well, here’s a good boat story!!
Mike and John were identical twins. Mike owned an old dilapidated boat
and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a
group from out-of-state who sank it. Mike spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day
and most of the evening. Therefore, Mike did not know that his brother
John’s wife had died suddenly that day.
When Mike got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things
at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and
said:
‘I’m so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.’
Mike, thinking she was talking about his boat said: ‘ Well no! Fact is
I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the
beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old
dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the
back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her,
her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. ;I guess what finally
finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys who were
looking for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn’t very good and smelled bad. But they
wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time
and she split right up the middle!’

The old woman fainted.

An elderly man walks into a confessional…

The following conversation ensues:
Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.”

Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”

Man: “What sins? ”

Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”

Man: “I’m Jewish.”

Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?”

Man: “I’m 92 years old …. I’m telling everybody!!!”

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman,
“Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself,
“My God, if I knew she was a virgin,
I would have been much more gentle with her!” And the woman was thinking to herself,
“My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose

At age 04 success is… Not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is… Having friends.

At age 18 success is… Having a drivers license.

At age 35 success is… Having money.

At age 50 success is… Having money.

At age 70 success is… Having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is… Having friends.

At age 80 success is… Not peeing in your pants.