bingbongboo fun

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘How do you stay in such great physical condition?’

I’m Scottish and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee glass of whisky, and all is well.’

‘Well,’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?’

‘Who said my Da’s deid?’

The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the old Scottish golfer. ‘In fact he golfed wi’ me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had anither wee dram and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s Scottish and he’s a golfer, too.’

‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?’

‘Who said my grandad’s died?’ Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?’

‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the old Scottish golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’

‘No. Grandad couldnae go this mornin’ because he’s getting married today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married!! Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?’

‘Who said he wanted to?

There was a Chinese father named Cheng who was very close to his son. They used to go everywhere together including looking for “birds” (Chinese slang for prostitute).

One day, Chung the son decided to go overseas for study. The father was very supportive, and before his son left, the father told him, “Chung we cannot look for birds together for the next few years. However, if you need to look for birds, please go ahead and I will pay for it. But please state the expense as ‘Shooting Clay Pigeons’ so that your mother will not suspect.”

So the son left, and after a month, the father received the bill from Chung, the son,……(shooting clay pigeons - $300). Subsequently, and for the next few months, the bill for shooting clay pigeons is more than $700. Well, the father could not tolerate this, so he wrote to his son.

“Chung Son, you have been shooting too expensive clay pigeons, try some cheaper one.”

A month later, Cheng, the father, received another bill from his son. On it he had written:
Shooting Clay Pigeons - $50
Rifle Repair - $2,000

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist
as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a
very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, ‘I’m going to check your prostate today, but
this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used
to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I
check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ‘99′.

The guy obeys and says, ‘99′! The doctor says, ‘Great. Now turn over on
your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath
and say, ‘99.’

Again, the guy says, ‘99.’

The doctor said, ‘Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly. I’m goin g to check your prostate with
this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to
keep it out of the way.

Now take a deep breath and say, ‘99.’

The guy begins, ‘One .. Two … Three’.

Two fleas from Saskatchewan had an agreement to meet every winter in Yuma for a vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Yuma , he’s all blue, shivering and shaking, nearly froze to death!

The other flea asks him, ‘What happened to you?’

The first flea says, ‘I rode down here from Regina , Saskatchewan in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.’

The other flea responds saying, ‘That’s the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the Plains Hotel Bar in Regina . Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice snowbird, crawl up her leg and nestle in where it’s warm and cozy. It’s the best way to travel that I can think of.’

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.

A year goes by….. When the first flea shows up in Yuma , he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Nearly froze to death.

The second flea says, ‘Didn’t you try what I told you?’

‘Yes,’ says the first flea, ‘I did exactly as you said … I went to the Plains bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young snowbird came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of the guy on the Harley.

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: ‘Father … During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.’ The priest replied: ‘That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.’
‘There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.’
The priest said, ‘That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.’
‘Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.’
‘And what is that?’ asked the priest.
‘Should I tell her the war is over?”

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years.

After a while when she didn’t return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but since there weren’t any lady eagles available he’d have to cross the feather barrier.

So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.

The sex was good but all the dove would say is ..

‘I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!’

Well this got on Harry’s nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is……..

‘I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!’
So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate.

This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was…..

NO, The duck didn’t say THAT
… Don’t be SO disgusting!

The duck said….

‘For heaven sake, I am a DRAKE,
You made a big MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!!