Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they’re airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, ‘ Admiral , United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons.’
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, ‘ Admiral , United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges.’
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, ‘ Master Gunnery Sergeant , United States Marine Corps, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.
An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The general shouted, ‘Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!’
The sergeant turned to his barber and said, ‘Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.’
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. ‘Your jeep stuck, sir?’ asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
‘Nope,’ replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, ‘Yours is.’
1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can’t hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I’d like to check you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
Fat Penguin………………. Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.
9) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can’t find my puppy , can you help me find him? I Think he went into this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin’, we kin sleep Til afternoon.
And…. The best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up
March 7th, 2008
23:19
Men
Lava Lamps .. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
