bingbongboo fun

Q.  What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A.  The Southern zoo has a description
of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.

(Yes, they were really printed as seen here.)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-sos!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Q.  Why do Driver Education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A.  Because on Tuesday and Thursday,
the Sex-Ed class uses it.

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is, I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is, that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered i f he had anything left to live for but he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought,

“That’s what I need… a new suit.”

He entered the shop and told the salesman,
“I’d like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,
“Let’s see… size 44 long.” Joe laughed,

“That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let’s see.. size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles
up against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache.”

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

Sometimes she can be such a bitch