This overweight black man finds a magic lamp, and when he rubs it, a genie comes out and offers him 3 wishes, the fat black man said to the genie “ok, first i want to be white, i’m sick of behind held back, and second, i want to be thin, i’m sick of people calling me fat, and third, i want to be surrounded by pussy all day long”
the genie crosses his arms and says “alacazaam! POOF nigga, you’re a tampon”
A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Catholic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Jewish home.
After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit grandpa.
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.
"It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.
"We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.
"There’s a musician here — he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!"
"There is a judge in here — he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him ‘Your Honor’!"
"And there’s a physician here — 90 years old. He hasn’t been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doctor’!"
"And me……, I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me ‘The Fucking Mexican’ !
When you go into court, you’re putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper
cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”
Laxatives ….. They irritate the crap out of you.
