bingbongboo fun

Law Of Queue Movement

The queue that looks like it is moving fastest will be the slowest.

First Corollary - - If you change queues the one you have left will move faster than the one you move to.

Top Ten Dog’s Peeves About Humans

‘1′
Blaming your farts on me…..
not funny… not funny at all !!!

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‘2′
Yelling at me for barking.
I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG, YOU IDIOT!

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‘3′
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

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‘4′
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

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‘5′
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you’re not home.  
 

 ’6′
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Woo Hoo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.<   
 
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‘7′
Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”,
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

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‘8′
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

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‘9′
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven’t you noticed the fur?    

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‘10′
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You’re just jealous.

——– ——————————————  
 
Now lay off me on some of these things.
We both know who’s boss here!
You don’t see me picking up your poop do you?

Living Will

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,
“I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my wine.

She’s such a bitch…..!

Las Vegas Churches

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.

THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS…!.:)

Young Farm Couple

A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’.

In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn’t getting enough work done.

Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do. “Homer,” said the doctor, “just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you’re in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene’s signal to come out to you. Then you won’t lose any field time.”

They tried Doc’s advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor’s office.

“What’s wrong?” asked the Doc. “Didn’t my idea work?”

“Oh, it worked well,” said Homer. “Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene’d come runnin’. We’d find a secluded place and make love and then she’d go back home again.”

“Good Homer. So, what’s the problem?” asked the Doc.

“Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain’t seen her since huntin’ season started!”

Polite Way To Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite.”
“What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.”
“And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’”

The teacher fainted.