The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the
each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a ‘drop off’, (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your drunken ass off the merry-go-round!
This is the tale of Freddy Law
whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door.
By the time they freed him, he didn’t feel well
for his private parts were mangled to hell.
They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew,
but when they arrived, there’s nought they could do.
What a bad blow for Fred, condemned without choice,
to live with no sex and a high squeaking voice.
But lucky for Fred, so he wouldn’t feel a fool,
some bright spark suggested a “Bionic Tool”.
A smart new electric one, made out of brass,
though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.
Now newly equipped and after a rest,
Fred thought he would put the tool to the test.
So finding a woman, the nearest one handy,
supplied her with drink and made her feel randy
She, without waiting, put her hand in Fred’s flies,
as she felt what was there, gave a cry of surprise.
“That’s my Bionic Chopper. Now lets have some fun”.
“Cor blimey” she said, “It felt like a gun.”
They both stripped quick and Fred entered her fast,
he turned up the control knob and gave her full blast.
They clung to each other as Fred’s dick shook some more,
then they bounced off the bed and onto the floor.
Now the pace hotted up and they started to choke,
as the room became filled with blue dirty smoke.
With a bang Fred’s left bullock shot up in the air,
and his other one went bonkety-bonk down the stair.
So back for repair went Fred full of woe,
Was this how his sex life was destined to go ?
To return to his doctor at the end of each shag
with his tool in his pocket and his balls in a bag ?
But they fixed up young Fred, made him manly again,
for they boosted his batteries with a flex from the main.
So if he cant get a girl, now poor Fred doesn’t cry,
he just flicks on the switch and jerks himself dry
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says ” Wow, that’s some hole, I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?”
The second hunter says” I don’t know, let’s throw something down there and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”
The first hunter says ” There’s this old transmission over here, give me a hand and we’ll throw it in and see”. So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and jump in headfirst.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
“Say there”, says the farmer, “you fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?” The first hunter says ” Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes and jumped headfirst into this hole here!”
And the old farmer said ” Why that’s impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!”
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“Now what are you doing?” She asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what’s par for this damn hole!”
