bingbongboo fun

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!”

“IMPOSSIBLE !!” said the groom broom.

We haven’t SWEPT together yet!

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife

‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!’

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.

‘What is this??’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.

‘April,’ he hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’

She replied with a snicker…

‘It’s not talcum powder……It’s ‘Miracle Grow’.’

The big game hunter walked into the bar, and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.

The man was undoubtedly a good shot, and no one would dispute that.
Then he said that they could blindfold him, and he could recognize an animal’s skin from its feel and, if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal.
The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks.
So the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully, and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced “Bear.”
Then he felt the bullet hole, and declared, “Shot with a 308 rifle.”
He was right. They brought him another skin from someone’s cat trunk. He took a bit longer this time, and then said,” Elk,Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.
He was right again. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time getting another round of drinks that he kept consuming.
Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, stumbled into bed and went to sleep.
The next morning, he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one huge black eye.
He said to his wife, “I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?” His wife angrily replied, “I gave it to you.You got into bed, put your hand down my panties, fiddled around a bit, and then loudly yelled, “Skunk.Killed with an axe.”

“Titanic” & “My Life” by Bill Clinton……

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:….. Cost - $29.99
Clinton:….. Cost - $29.99

Titanic:….. Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:…. Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:….. The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:….. The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:….. Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:….. Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:…. In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:….. Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:….. During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton:….. Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:….. Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:….. Let’s not go there.

Titanic:….. Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:….. Monica’s forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:….. Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:….. Clinton doesn’t remember Jack.

Titanic:….. Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:….. Monica…ooh, let’s not go there, either.

Titanic: ….. Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: ….. Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. ” STOP!,” he shouted in a firm voice. “Have you g ot a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. “OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said “On your way, Ma’am.”

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his “You-Know- What” in his hand. “Oh, good grief,” yelled Ethel, “Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!”

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts Into his grandpa’s room. “Grandpa, Grandpa,” he says excitedly, “as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said his grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog, because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re going to Disney World!”