October 31st, 2007
13:00
Sport
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
October 31st, 2007
06:58
Men
It was Halloween time and an athletic guy was invited to a costume party with his newly acquainted girl friend. He goes to a costume specialty shop, and asks a very young salesgirl; “I am going to be Adam, in nude but only a fig leaf to cover down below. Can you help?”
The salesgirl shows a fig leaf for the occasion. He winks at the girl and says, “Still not big enough for what I have, ma’am!”
She brings out a bigger one. He keeps nodding his head negatively and goes, “Well, not big enough for what God has given me. You understand?”‘
She brings out a huge fig leaf; the largest possible made for the purpose.
He throws his hands on the counter, and says, “Still not big enough. I have a reputation at stake here. You know, what I mean?”
Unimpressed, the young salesgirl said to him, “Then, Mr. Hercules, why don’t you just throw IT over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?”
October 30th, 2007
13:00
Sport
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
October 29th, 2007
13:00
Sport
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
October 28th, 2007
21:28
Sport
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
I’ll post the results during the week so you can see how I am doing.
Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly Paddy jumps up out of bed and says “I’ve had enough of this”. He goes downstairs.
Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
Paddy says “I’ve put the dog in our yard . See how they like it now !”
